Desperation
by Shelby Lynn Schwiderson
Summary: This is my first fan fiction that I'm writing. This story was sort of a dream I had so I had to write it down. Please let me know how you feel about it!
1. Chapter 1

Racing through the woods I'm trying to find him. Where is he? As I'm running through the trees the tree branches are whipping past me, cutting my skin and leaving scratches in their wake. I feel nothing but desperation to find him and I hope that it's not too late. Ahead of me I see the trees starting to clear and I see an opening that goes out to the cliffs. "Oh god I hope he's not there, please don't be there, please don't be there!" I think to myself. As I reach the clearing I see him, standing at the edge of the cliffs looking out on the horizon. A storm is coming and the wind is howling in my ears and I can hear the waves crashing against the rocks down below. "Jacob!" I yell hoping he can hear me above the wind. "Jacob, please!" He turns around and I think that he has heard me. As he turns around I can see his face and he looks so at peace, and so sad at the same time. He had his eyes closed and just as I'm 10 feet away he opens his arms and steps back towards the cliff. I'm running so hard at this point to get to him before he does something stupid. Just as I'm about to reach him I hear him say my name like an answered prayer, "Bella." He still has his eyes closed and I'm about to grab for him and he takes a step back off of the cliffs. "No!"

Suddenly I wake up in my room, "what the hell?" I say allowed. Finally, I realize that it was all a dream, nightmare actually. When I look around my room I see his computer desk, I see his coat hanging off of the chair. I see the closet door slightly open and the light on inside, and I hear his voice coming from the bathroom, "Honey? Are you okay?" Before I answer he is walking out of our bathroom wrapped in a towel. "Honey?" He says taking in my appearance. I must look like a complete mess by the way he is looking at me. "Yeah I'm okay, just a dream.", I say trying to calm my racing heart. "You were talking in your sleep again, or more like yelling." He looks at me and I already know who's name he heard me yelling. He sighs and sits down on our bed, "You were dreaming about him again weren't you?" I look up into the green eyes I have become accustomed to the past year. Those eyes have brought me back from the edge of despair and I'm so thankful that he's here. "No." I lie and look down at my chewed up fingernails. He doesn't look convinced, and I don't know what else to say to him, "Bella, it's okay you can talk to me." As he says that I look back up at his face, he has little spots of shaving cream still on his face, he must have just got done shaving. His short brown hair is in spikes on top of his head and his green eyes are piercing in to me. "I'm fine,Edward" I say to him, "I'm going to get in the shower if your done in the bathroom." I push past him off of the bed and walk in to the bathroom. As I turned around to shut the door I can see him still sitting on our bed and he's rubbing at his face, something I've come to learn he does when he's frustrated. I close the door and lock it so he doesn't come in here. I can't bare to talk to him about my dream that I haven been having for the past week straight. I turn the water on and in a couple of minutes hot steam is filling the small bathroom. I climb in to the small shower and let the hot water cascade down my body. The hot water helps soothe my tense muscles and makes me feel slightly better. I hear rustling coming from our bedroom and I assume he's getting dressed for work. As I wash my hair and body I feel as those I'm in a trance, and before I know it the water starts to go cold. I step out of the shower and pull the towel around me and take a look at myself in the mirror. My eyes have dark circles below them, and my long hair is hanging over my right shoulder. "Get it together Bella. He's going to leave you if you don't get your shit together", I think to myself. Edward has been my rock this past year, specially after "he" left me without an explanation. One day we are planning our wedding, and the next I wake up to a note in the kitchen saying "Sorry." I haven't spoken to "him" or his family since that day. Sometimes I feel like I should have fought harder for him, ran after him, but somehow I knew that it was over. Just thinking about "him" makes my chest ache and my breathing gets shallow

I look at the clock on the bathroom wall and noticed I've already been in here for 30 minutes, if I don't get out now I'm going to be late for work. "Honey? I made coffee." I hear Edward say with a soft knock on the door. Taking one last glance in the mirror I tell myself to pull my shit together. I unlock the bathroom door and when I open it Edward is standing there with a small smile that I have come to love, and a cup of coffee in his hands.  
As I take the cup I tell him thank you and kiss him on the cheek and walk to the closet to get some clothes. Once I'm dressed I come out of the closet and notice Edward is sitting on our bed again, his hands are on his lap and his head is hanging down. "Edward? Are you okay?" I ask him. When he looks at me I can see that he, too, has dark circles under his eyes. He shakes his head and gets up and walks out of the bedroom, leaving me standing by the closet. I sigh and go back in the bathroom to apply some makeup and brush my teeth. Once I'm done with that I finally look somewhat normal and decide to go track Edward down before he leaves for work. I walk through the living room to get to the kitchen and he's finishing off his cup of coffee. "I'm sorry if I kept you up last night. I wish these dreams would just go away.", I say to him. He walks to me and puts his strong arms around me and looks at me with those green eyes. "It's okay. I'm just sorry I can't help you get rid of them.", he says to me. When Jake first left Edward was there for me. Edward and Jake were best friends and they grew up together right down the road from each other. Edward was suppose to be Jakes best man in our wedding. Being in Edwards arms it makes me feel safe, loved, cherished. Edward leans down and gives me a kiss, and just as the kiss starts to deepen my phone starts ringing. I pull away and Edward starts pouting but says he loves me and walks out the door. I look down at my phone and the number is blocked, strange. "Hello?", I say into the phone. The voice who I thought I would never hear again says back, "Bella?"


	2. Chapter 2

All I see is blackness, hear nothing. Wait, I feel something on my shoulders. "Bella are you alright?", I hear someone say in the distance. Someone is shaking my shoulders lightly and the light is coming to fast. The darkness is being washed away and all I see is Edwards face. "Bella are you alright? What happened?" Edward is trying to help me up off the ground, the ground? "What happened?" I ask. Edward helps me up off the ground and onto the couches. "I don't know I was walking out the door and I heard a loud thump, I came in here and you were on the ground passed out. What happened?" Then it all comes rushing back to me, "he" called. "Nothing, I must have turned around too fast and got dizzy. My head hurts." I say as I rub my temples. "We should probably take you the ER, I think you might have hit your head when you fell." 15 minutes later I'm sitting in the ER waiting room with Edward fussing over me. After a few minutes of Edward begging me to go to the er I finally gave in. Edward called both of our jobs and told them we were in the ER and taking the day off. "Isabella Swan?" I hear my name being called by one of the nurses. Edwards helps me up from the chair and walks in to one of the rooms that is surrounded by curtains. I've seen this room too many times to count. We wait patiently for the blood work and X-ray results to come back. 45 minutes later the doctor comes in and tells me everything looks good except I have a slight concussion and need to take a couple of days off work. I sign the discharge papers and Edward walks me out to the car. "I'll call Estelle when we get home and tell her that you will be out the rest of the week. I'll call Tom and tell him that I won't be in either. I want to make sure your okay." Edward says to me. "I don't need you to babysit me Edward. You don't need to stay home with me. I promise I'll call you if I need you." I say back. He looks over at me with those green eyes and I try my hardest to give him the puppy dog eyes that he loves. He's quiet for a moment, probably trying to think of a way to talk me into him staying with me. After a few minutes he speaks up, "Fine. But I'll be calling every hour to check on you."He doesn't looked pleased but I'm glad he didn't push me for him to stay. After my dream and this morning I need some time alone. He drops me back off at home and reminds me again that he will call me later. I walk inside and decide to sit on the couch and watch some T.V. An hour goes by and I hear my phone ringing again and I assume it's Edward and I answer without even looking at the screen. "Hello Edward, I'm fine, and yes I already took some medicine for my headache." I say without giving him a chance to say hello. "Bella?", that voice, the voice I have waited so long to hear. "Bella? Are you there?"

"J-Jake?", I say with a shaky voice. "Oh Bella it's so good to hear your voice.", he sounds sad. "Why are you calling me?", I whisper through the phone. "I want to talk to you. I need to see you. I miss you so much.", his voice still sounds the same, there were so many times when I wanted to hear his voice. "Why now Jake? I haven't heard from you in a year. What makes it okay for you to call me? What makes you think I want to fucking talk to you? You ruined my life! You promised me the world and you fucking left! You have no right to call me and tell me you need to see me after everything you did. You left me without an explanation. Just a note saying sorry!" I'm out of breath by the time I'm done shouting at him through the phone. "Oh baby, you're still the same feisty Bella that I love so much. You have no clue how much I have missed you and that mouth. Please meet me tomorrow. I'll call in the morning and tell you where." He just hung up one me! That bastard! I'm furious after that phone call. Why did he have to come back in to my life! My phone rings again and it's Edward, "hi honey how are you doing?" I'm irritated already so I try to reign in my irritation, " I'm fine Edward, you just left me please don't call every hour. I will see you tonight when you get home." I can hear him sigh over the phone and I'm sure he's rubbing his face in frustration, "Fine, but call me if you need me. I love you." That dreaded word. We have been officially together for 6 months and he has said the "L" word to me more times than I can count. I have yet to say it to him, "okay, see you later." After hanging up the phone, I try to read a book or do something to keep my mind off Jake, but that is impossible. I just hope tomorrow goes by smoothly.


	3. Chapter3

I look up at the clock and it says that it's 4:05. Edward gets out of work at 5 so he will be here soon. I look around our place and I realize that it's a mess, I guess I can pass the time with cleaning. 

Once I get the kitchen cleaned and the dishes done I move on to the living room and our bedroom. Edwards clothes are all over the floor in the bathroom and I don't know how many times I've told him to clean his stuff up. I put them in the dirty clothes and decided I might as well do a load of laundry while I'm waiting. 

By the time Edward gets home I have dinner in the oven and I'm folding the laundry. The moment he sees me his face lights up and he comes and hugs me and leans in for a kiss. "I've missed you." He says to me while nuzzling into my neck. He knows just what places to touch to get me breathless and my mind goes blank. "Mmhmm" is all I'm able to say before his lips are back on mine. Just then the timer goes off on the oven signaling that our dinner is done. "Edward, the foods done." I say breathless. 

"Mmm, I'm only hungry for you." He growls in my ear. He swiftly turns from me, and turns the oven off, and then grabs me and runs to the bedroom with me in tow. This can't happen right now, my mind is so confused, but all I care about is Edwards lips on me, his hands taking my clothes off. Just the feeling of him on top of me makes me desperate for more. I know I shouldn't be letting him touch me this way, especially with Jacob on my mind. But this is the perfect distraction, "Mmmm baby your so wet for me." Just his words are my undoing. Feeling his fingers and his lips on my has me hurtling to the finish. Once I finish, he climbs back up my body until he enters me in one swift movement. "Oh Bella you feel so tight, so wet for me." He makes me feel so cherished, and loved. "Edward we need a condom." I say before things get too far, but the look on his face and the feeling of him on top of me is making it hard for me to keep a coherent thought. "Okay baby just a few more minutes, then I'll put one on." We never have sex with out a condom, but this feels so good. When he's about to stop to put one on I'm so close to finishing that when he goes to pull out I yell at him to not stop. And he doesn't stop, and it feels so good. I can feel Edwards pace start to increase and his thrusts aren't as even as before so I know he's close. I'm so wrapped up in the feeling of Edward, that when he finishes inside me I don't even care. 

Once we both come down from our high I can't even find it in me to be mad about what just happened. The feelings that I feel in this moment are almost how I felt about Jake. I look over at Edward and I'm surprised to see him smiling from ear to ear. He turns to me and his face shows how much he loves me. The feelings I am having, are they love? Can I love Edward like I loved Jake? Can I let myself be happy again? 

Edward kisses me again and we get dressed and go and eat our dinner, which is probably burnt by now. I made his favorite, Shepherd's pie and peach cobbler for dessert. We enjoy our dinner and sit down on the couch to watch a movie and before I know it I am asleep and Edward carries me to bed. My sleep isn't filled with nightmares about my lost love, instead I'm flying in the clouds, feeling happier than I have felt in a long time. If only I knew what was coming to me the next morning, if only I knew how it would change my life forever, again. 


End file.
